Chapter 27: "They love me, they love me not" [marriage woes]

We're all familiar with that image of some young kid picking off a flower's petals one by one trying to figure out if their crush 'loves them' or 'loves them not' & make believing as if the last petal you land on will reveal the truth. Even when we get older we still do this to some degree—minus the flower, that is. We do this whether we're dating, in a serious relationship, or already married. A big fight [or build up of many little fights] no matter how silly or serious the issue, can cause us to question how we feel about our significant other or how they feel about us. "They love me, they love me not". We're human & often ruled by our emotions—especially those knee-jerk emotions.

What's more important?
Being 'right' in a fight OR having a strong marriage/relationship?
--> If you did wrong, you can make it worse by not apologizing right away, not asking how to make it right, not truly promising to change [depending on the circumstance], & only defending yourself.
--> If you were wronged, you can make it worse by lashing out & not giving your significant other a chance to speak & apologize.

Easier said than done, right?! Of course. Then again, who said it would be easy?

My husband & I once got the chance to help a couple who were having a hard time.
I won't go into detail about it, but it was definitely a new experience for us. Sure, I've helped out a girl friend with her marital or relationship problems before & he's helped out a guy friend with marital or relationship problems before, but we have never helped out a couple together.

A few days after we had stepped in, I received a message from one of them thanking us for what we did. I decided to give them some final two cents of marriage advice & I've decided to share it here in hopes that it might by chance help someone else who may be struggling in their marriage or relationship. This was my message to them:

"We're just glad we could help. Every married couple has issues. Every newlywed couple & even couples who have been together for years are still constantly learning. You learn how to be the best husband or wife with time. Marriage can be difficult & no one really understands just how difficult it can be until they're married & faced with their own trials. Marriage means still choosing to love each other even when it seems difficult to. Marriage takes a lot of hard work, but as long as both people are truly willing to work on their marriage every day [even when things are good], then they'll reap the benefits for a lifetime—enjoying a long & happy marriage. We hope you two are doing well."

How do you not just survive marriage but thrive in your marriage?!

There's a lot of good advice out there & different things work for different people, but none of the advice will work if both people don't put in the effort needed.

• It's important to be on the same page.
• It's important to keep that passion & love for each other alive in whatever way works best, because every couple is different.
• It's also very important to surround yourselves with people who will help lift you up when things get rough.

You need people that will say, "you two will work it out" not people that will say, "well that sucks, just get a divorce." Having a loving family & good friends [especially ones that are married] who encourage you & your marriage is essential. I'm glad we had the opportunity to be friends to this couple. It's sort of like a 'pay it forward' for the friends & family that have helped us in the past. We're very blessed to have the friends & family that we have, because we know they'll continue to be there for us in the future if we ever need them.

If you see someone struggling, lend them a hand. Someday you may need someone to lend you a hand. Always love ♥

Photo credit: http://tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/daisy.jpg?w=300

Chapter 26: A Long Distance Father's Day [+video]

There are so many places I wish I could be right now... in California with my dad for Father's Day, in Seattle for my twin cousins' college graduation, on the ship with my husband since he's on duty today, & somewhere in another country [then again, I always want to travel, so that's nothing new].

Today made me think of the special Father-Daughter dance I got to share with my dad at my wedding [7.7.12] & whenever I watch it I get a little teary eyed all over again. With that said, below is the 3 minute video clip of our Father-Daughter dance.

My favorite parts to watch are time frames:

• 01:00-01:22 [My dad was making me laugh by dancing goofy with me. I love how he poses for the camera at the very end!]
• 01:47-02:36 [I was crying & blubbering like a whale! You can tell my dad was crying too, but I'm sure he'll tell you that he just got dust in his eye or something ;) Lol]
                      

I think Father-Daughter dances at weddings are so special, because how often do grown women really get the chance to dance with their dad? The last time I recall dancing with my dad before my wedding was as a little girl. I'm grateful to have had a Father-Daughter dance because I know not everyone gets to have one due to not being able to have a big wedding, their father passing away, never knowing their father, or not having a good relationship with their father.

A friend of mine posted something really personal & touching story on her Facebook today in regards to Father's Day & she gave me permission to share it with others. I think it's beautifully written & has such a wonderful message.

None of us are Fatherless. By Jennifer Song

In 2nd grade our class had to do a project where we made Father’s Day cards for our.. well, fathers. I remember making one mindlessly. I never really thought too much of it when I was younger. When you don’t grow up with a dad, you don’t exactly know what you’re missing. I knew mine was in Korea. I didn’t have a relationship with him - we didn’t speak on a regular basis, but he was there somewhere across the world.

As I was making this Father’s Day card, one of my classmates tried to stop me.

“You don’t have a dad.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I DO. I’m gonna send it to him!”

I remember being very upset and the next thing I knew, I was home and threw away the card into the green trash bin in the kitchen of our tiny apartment where all the rubbish went.

I lied to this classmate. I wasn’t ever going to send it, but I knew I had a dad but they just did not understand.

I didn’t quite understand either. I didn’t understand why things were the way they were and why.

This was 16 years ago.

If I could talk to my 8 year old self, I would tell her that she always had a father.. and even better than just a biological father, that she had a Heavenly Father who loves her and would do anything for her and never leave her.

I would also tell her that 16 years from now she would face the very dad that seemed extremely negligent and that she would be able to forgive him and learn to love him in her own unique way because her Heavenly Father did first.

God was the Father I always had but was hard to grasp. Even still now He is hard to grasp, but the way He’s led me so far in this life of mine fills my heart with an overwhelming amount of disbelief and peace. He’s gotten me this far despite the odds against me and He’s been chipping away at the nonsense and molding me to be who He ultimately wants me to be.

I would also tell her that she was right about believing that one day she would have a loving husband who would one day be a great father to her own children. I will let her know that she would be able to trust that marriage is something possible for her regardless of all the failed relationships and failed marriages she was surrounded by because she wouldn’t base all her trust & hopes in humans, but in her Lord.

I know that some of you may not have a relationship with your dad as much as you wish you did, or have had the chance to ever get to know them - but the most important thing is to know that none of us are fatherless.

Happy Father's Day

In closing...

My Dad is a friend to everyone he meets. He would laugh during the 'scary' parts of movies so that I wouldn't get too scared when I was a kid [he becomes a comedian]. He always takes time out of his busy day to help his daughters in any way he can—whether it be a car problem [he becomes a mechanic], helping find something that we misplaced in the house [he becomes a detective] or fixing up something for us to eat whenever we got hungry [he becomes a chef], etc..

That's my dad. && I'm blessed to have him. Sending a daughters love from the East Coast to the West Coast! Wish I could be there to celebrate with you. Happy Fathers Day, from your daughter & son-in-law! 

I also have to send love & father's day wishes to: my father-in-law, my grandpas/grandpa in-laws, my Uncles who are fathers, & EVERY father & father-to-be! Your love is needed in this world ♥

What is one special memory you have with your dad?! Share it with him today because I'm sure he'd love to hear it & feel free to share it in a comment below!

Chapter 25: The Giving Keys [not just another piece of jewelry]

What do the homeless, old keys, & jewelry have to do with one another? Read on to find out!

I'm absolutely in love with my new giving key, but before I tell you the story about this piece of "jewelry" & explain what it is, I have something to say...

Not everyone knows this about me, but I've always had a special place in my heart for the homeless ever since I was a little kid. During our honeymoon last year, I convinced my husband that we should buy a blanket for a homeless man we saw on the street. We all know that San Francisco gets pretty cold & I felt a strong pull at my heart to help him. I felt we needed to take the time to do this even though we had somewhere to be & were already running late. In college I was part of a campus club called 'Helping Hearts For The Homeless'. I remember getting mad the first time I heard the word 'bum' come from a friend's mouth when used to describe a homeless person we saw from our car window back when I was a middle schooler. I know everyone has different opinions of homeless people [sometimes valid & sometimes just plain mean], but what it all comes down to is that no matter what social class, we are all human. Rich or homeless—we all deserve to be loved, respected, & cared for. Homeless people are down on their luck & they each have their own story, so how are we to judge the bunch the same?

About the Necklace

I heard about The Giving Keys on t.v. a few months ago & absolutely fell in love with the idea. First off, I've always loved vintage/antique & odd things. I'm pretty old fashioned at heart. I'm fascinated by letters, stationary, pretty paper, stamps, interesting envelopes/packages, lace, miniature things, airports, journals, trees, birds, polaroids, vintage clothing, feather pens, wax seals, old typwriters, etc... & of course, keys—mostly skeleton keys, but keys of all kinds. I even have my own collection of keys that I started as a kid, simply because I liked having a bunch of keys, but it may also have something to do with the movie 'The Secret Garden'?

What I love about The Giving Keys is that it links 3 things that interest me:

• 1. Keys
• 2. The Homeless
• 3. Positive/inspiring/encouraging messages

A singer/songwriter first started making these keys for fun & would sell them at her merchandise table while touring. It wasn't before long that they started becoming a big hit. She later got the idea to employ homeless people to engrave the keys for her & to help them transition out of homelessness. How incredible & touching is that? It really is amazing & you can read the full story on their official website Click Here.

The idea is to pick out a word that fits you— a message that you need most. The most typical ones are dream, believe, faith, love, courage, etc.. but you can custom make your own for an extra cost. You wear the key around as a constant reminder to do whatever it says on the key & one day you pass it onto someone who you feel needs that same message. It takes the idea of giving a very 'personal gift' to a whole new level! I know not everyone will be fascinated by this idea, but I'm sharing this with you all because I know that there are other people out there who would appreciate The Giving Keys just as much as I do. I've read quite a few heartwarming stories on their website of who people have given their key to & just how much it meant to that person. There was once a time in my life when I wanted to wear as many rings on my fingers as possible because I wanted to pass them onto people during my lifetime. This is the same type of idea but even better, because these keys have inspirational messages on them & are hand-engraved with love by a homeless person. You know that you're helping make a difference in someone's life when you purchase one of these giving keys.

I flew into Los Angeles last Saturday & hung out with my friend. When we came across these keys in a little store I got so excited because I remembered seeing them on t.v. What is great about getting a giving key in a store as opposed to online is that you get to pick out your key. When you order online you pick your message, but you don't get to see what your key will look like. Maybe that element of surprise is something that intrigues you, but as for me, I like to pick by whichever one is calling me. That may sound weird, but I don't know how else to describe it? My friend ended up picking a key with the word 'fight' on it. I, on the other-hand, was having a lot of trouble picking my key. I was torn between 'strength' & 'let go'. Since it was taking me so long, I ended up deciding by having my friend do something my husband made up for me. Whenever I had trouble deciding between two things, he would put them both in his hand & tell me to choose. If I ended up getting sad over what was in the hand that I choose, then that would tell me that I needed to get the other one :P Sure, maybe that's silly, but it works for me! My friend opened her hand & when I saw the key with the words 'let go' I got excited :) We decided to buy each others key as a gift, so technically we didn't spend any money on ourselves ;) Right? I'm so happy that I have my very own giving key & I can't wait to pass it on to someone else someday in hopes that it can help them & make an impact on their life. I'll be sure to post my story on here & on their website when that day comes!

Is anyone else interested in getting a giving key of their own? If you know someone who might be interested, be sure to share this with them! What do you love most about The Giving Keys? Leave a comment & let me know! Please tell me if you end up getting one for yourself or as a gift to someone as well because I'd love to know :) You can visit The Giving Keys on their official website [click here] OR on Facebook [click here]. Don't forget to 'LIKE' their page!

Stay beautiful & keep on spreading the love!

Chapter 24: Staying Navy [my husband's reenlistment]

Hello [to at least] 4 more years of Navy Life!

Last Friday was a big day for this household! I went aboard my husband's ship during the workday to stand next to him during his reenlistment ceremony. You could call me a stereotypical "Proud Navy Wife", especially on that day because by the smile on my face & the way that I felt, I was probably the picture perfect poster girl for that term. The "Proud Navy Wife" label doesn't bother me because I wear it without shame. I proudly support my husband/best friend in all his endeavors, whether it's to reenlist again in 2017 OR to go back to college to get his degree & start working in a field he is passionate about. He has always been so supportive of me & that makes a world of a difference.

His reenlistment was a day to honor him for all that he has done for the Navy thus far & show appreciation for his decision to pursue his naval career. I was so happy to have been able to witness his reenlistment ceremony especially because I didn't get to watch him get sworn into the Navy back in 2009. I was honored to be there for him, but he turned things around by saying a short speech of appreciation & love in dedication to me in front of his shipmates. I'm sure I had a million dollar smile on my face that you could see from miles away :)

After believing this day was going to be all about him, you could imagine my surprise when the reenlistment officer offered me a certificate of appreciation from The United States Navy that states:

"By the authority vested in me, it is my pleasure to express the grateful appreciation of the United States Navy, to you, for your unselfish, faithful, and dedicated assistance during the naval service of your husband. Your unfailing support and understanding have helped immeasurably to make possible your husband's decision to continue a naval career."

I was truly touched to have received this & I really love that they give something to the spouses of the sailors as well. It's really nice to be acknowledged & appreciated. It's also perfect timing to have received this because May is Military Spouse Appreciation Month! It was definitely a nice cherry on top of the day :)

The ceremony was relatively short. First he had to be discharged & was a free man for less than 1 minute. I actually have a really funny story about this. I had a mini-heart attack when he was getting discharged & when he turned to smile at me. I was so confused! I thought to myself, "What?! I thought he was reenlisting?! Wait a second...Woah! He tricked me!..." I wondered if my face gave me away? :P Less than a minute later he started to take his oath to get back IN the Navy. Phew! Mini heart attack over. Lol.

I can't tell you how many people shook my hand & said kind words about my husband. If I wasn't a proud wife already, that definitely would have made me one! It was so wonderful to hear so many people say great things about my husband as a person & as a sailor. I'm not surprised, but it's still good to hear that he is held in such high esteem among his shipmates & especially his higher ups. Every time I see his captain he always has something good to say about my husband & it makes me even more proud to be married to him ♥

After the ceremony he got the rest of the day off work so we enjoyed some us time before going out to eat dinner with friends at BJ's Pizza & Brewery. Then it was off to the movies to watch Iron Man 3 in 3D since the original showing we planned to go to was sold out! The movie was a lot better than I expected it to be! It was a great day celebrating & we made a lot of amazing memories :)

More pictures from the day...

Celebrating with good friends & good food!

Silly faces at the movie theaters!

serious face... 

Gangster face.

♥

Chapter 23: Disney World's Flower & Garden Festival.

My husband: "Do you want to go to Disney World on Saturday?"
Me: "OF COURSE! I always want to go to Disney World!"

Last weekend my husband & I decided to make a day trip to Disney World's Epcot theme park for the 20th anniversary of their Flower & Garden Festival! It was so much fun! There were so many beautiful flowers, flower arrangements, & Disney shaped topiary [the practice or art of training, cutting, and trimming trees or shrubs into odd or ornamental shapes]! It really is a sight to see & this trip was definitely much needed for us. The last time we went to Disney World was for NYE, but we only went to the Magic Kingdom & Hollywood Studios theme parks. My husband bought us premium annual passes for my birthday last August & we're trying to take advantage of them to get our money's worth! We originally wanted to plan Disney World trips once a month, but that didn't end up happening. Now we're just trying to go as often as we can before August rolls around because we won't be renewing our passes this year since we're preparing for deployment #2. 

I don't think I can ever get sick of Disney theme parks, no matter how many times I go & I hope that never changes! It's always such a magical experience. There's so much to do! If you've never been to the Epcot theme park, it's best described as a "World Fair" showcasing international culture. The park is split up by different countries. There aren't a lot of rides at this park, but there are a bunch of shows you can watch, history you can learn, & food you can taste in each of the countries. We absolutely LOVE going to Japan :) Ever since I was a kid I've always been fascinated by bonsai trees [I love miniature things] & pearls. Lucky me, I get both of those things at Epcot Japan [along with yummy sushi]!

My new bonsai seed kit!

I've had 2 bonsai trees in the past:

• The 1st one I got as a birthday present from a friend when I was 15, but it died shortly after I got it because I didn't know how to take care of it :/
• The 2nd one I got was a college graduation present from my husband. I was determined to do a better job at keep it alive this time & I took really good care of it, but I left it in California when I moved here to Florida to be with my husband after we got married.

Needless to say, I was very excited when my husband remembered his promise to buy me this bonsai tree kit the next time we went to Epcot :D I can't wait to plant it! Now I just wonder how long it will take for it to start looking like a tree?! I hope this really is a tree that I can pass down from generations to come, like the box indicates so!

My newest pearl that my husband surprised me with :)

Don't get me wrong, I love diamonds as much as any other girl... but I definitely think that I love pearls more than the average girl! I opened my first oyster when I was 12 years old during a trip to Maui, Hawaii to see family. After that I was hooked & I've opened sooo many oysters since then that I have lost count! I have a collection of them :) Pearls on their own & pearls set in jewelry. I can go on about my love for pearls & I have many stories about my opening of oysters, but that will have to wait. It calls for a new blog post focused on that subject alone!

During this Epcot trip I was mesmerized [once again] as I watched the Japanese women open oysters for each customer, anxious to see what kind of pearl was inside. Whenever we are in this store my husband always knows where to find me & I always know where to find him [by the anime movies, manga, or swords =P]. He came up to me & I told him I just wanted to watch 2 more oysters being opened. When he came back I felt caught because I definitely stood there & watched more than 2 more =P I thought he was going to call me out on it, but instead he surprised me by handing me a sales slip which meant that I would be next to pick out an oyster to be opened :D AHHH!!!! I wasn't expecting he'd buy me an oyster since we weren't celebrating a special occasion of any kind, but I sure wasn't going to deny the gift! I love that I have another beautiful pearl to add to my collection :)

Photo bombed!

Before we left the park we tried to take a photo with the sign that says "20th Flower & Garden Festival" & we discovered that we had been photo bombed! This picture was too funny not to post. Haha! Those girls did good... sneaky, sneaky!

More photos from the day....

Giving Buzz Lightyear a high-five! :) 

New pin for our collection! My husband got me
into his family's tradition of collecting Disney pins :)

From the movie "Cars"

From the movie "Cars"

The Lion King

Butterfly flowers & floating flowers

We can't wait for this movie to come out!

Snow White & the Seven Drawfs

Beauty & the Beast

Beauty & the Beast

Cinderella

Sleeping Beauty

Whinnie the Pooh & Friends

Peter Pan

Captain Hook & the crocodile

Lady & the Tramp

Chapter 22: Wedding Toasts! [+video]

The highlight of today was lying in bed watching video clips from our wedding with my husband on this rainy day! Here are 2 of the video clips as a sneak peak into our wedding reception :)

My eldest sister's idea of a good maid of honor toast was to tell an embarrassing story about how my family found out about my crush on my husband back in the 3rd grade :P

made of honor toast

by my eldest sister

Next, my cousin [who was our MC] cracked some jokes of his own [at my expense. Lol] & gave us some marriage advice. They had us laughing [& feeling embarrassed] all over again, while watching these videos!

MC welcome & toast

by my eldest cousin

Our wedding was one of the happiest days of our lives. I don't think watching these videos will ever get old. All of that toasts that were made [by the MOH, MC, best man, my parents, & my husband's parents] mean so much to us. We're so blessed to have so much love in our lives & we were reminded of that by watching all of the toasts & reliving our wedding day. When our videographer Major Diamond Productions sent us some video clips from our wedding [i.e. 1st dance, MOH toast, father-daughter dance etc...] this morning, it was such a wonderful surprise! Now we're even more excited to get our final DVD ♥

Hope you got a little laugh from these

wedding toasts like we did!

Chapter 21: We're only human [dreaming of death]

Have you ever had one of those "feeling off" sort of days because you had a terrible dream that your husband died & he had to wake you up in the middle of the night because you were crying in your sleep? =\ That's the kind of day that I had... My husband had to console me, wrap me in his arms, & kiss me, as I choked on my tears, gasped for air, & fumbled my speech while I tried to tell him about my dream & come back to reality.

It was around 4:20AM & it would be a joke to think I'd get any sleep after that. How could I after that nightmare I dreamt? All I could do was take comfort in being able to lay my head upon his chest & listen to his rhythmic heartbeat reminding me that he is alive. He's breathing. He's here.

All I could do was stare at his face, kiss him, & touch him to make sure that he was really there with me. The nightmare gave me an even greater sense of our mortality—of our little time here on Earth. I was reminded that life is short & that we need to ALWAYS cherish those "little things" & "little moments". I was reminded of just how deeply I love my husband & how I don't know what I would ever do without him.

I've always found it endearing when my husband would stir in his sleep & kiss me, pull me closer, or mumble that he loves me before falling back asleep—not remembering doing any of those things in the morning. After I woke up from my nightmare, when I thought back at those "little moments", it made me cry even harder that I started to hyperventilate. The sheer thought of him never doing those things again frightened me to the core. The thought of having to live without him hurt me like a knife being driven straight through my heart & twisted just for good measure.

I've only woken up crying from a dream a handful of times  in my life [always because someone I love had died in a dream] & it's one of the worst feelings. This time it felt even more real because I had woken up from a "dream" within my dream twice. It was like the movie "Inception".

In the 1st dream I woke up in bed & started writing/drawing on my arms the things & images/designs I wanted to remember. Then I told my husband how I was inspired in my dream & needed to write/draw it all out so I could remember them later. Then I fell back asleep.

In the 2nd dream, that was when my husband died. I woke up & found him dead beside me. He just stopped breathing. I was frantic & didn't know what to do! I staggered around to look for my phone & thought I should call my boss & let him know that I couldn't come into work that day & had to quit my job because my husband was dead & there was no way I'd be able to work anytime soon. Then I thought, "Should that really be my first call? What the heck am I supposed to do?!" That was when I completely lost it. I was angry with myself for not knowing who to call first [somehow the ambulance was already on their way. Not sure how that happened, but it was a dream.]. I was crying hysterically because the love of my life was dead. I then found myself angry with him for dying & leaving me all alone. I was angry because we had so many plans for our lives. Our lives had just begun! We were still so young! There were so many things we still wanted to do together. We didn't even get to have any children yet! I was furious. That led me into even more hysteria as I felt like an awful person for being angry with him because he was dead! It was the most bewildering feeling & there were so many emotions running through me. I just cried & screamed like crazy. I eagerly tried to kiss him like in those Disney Fairytales, hoping that my kiss would somehow magically bring him back to me. This was when my husband woke me up & told me that I was just dreaming.

I have never cried so much from a bad dream in my entire life. It felt like ages before I finally stopped. My husband had to soothe me & kept repeating that it was just a bad dream & that he was ok. I still haven't fully accepted death. Although it's inevitable, neither of us handle it very well & we can't barely stand the thought of any of our loved ones dying. It's a big fear of ours & we've both dealt with the death of family members. When we first started dating, my husband & I talked about death a few times & he could be brought to tears just thinking about me ever dying. He too has woken up crying after having a bad dream about me dying. Because of this, we made a silly "promise" to never die & we would avoid the topic of death. We made a deal that we'd live forever & that was that. Of course, we know this isn't possible, but it gave us some fictional comfort. Now as we & our loved ones are getting older, I start to worry more. Losing those dear to us is such a difficult concept to grasp & accept. I still struggle with the idea of it all. This is when I tell myself that worrying my life away is not the way to live.

A plan is always good to have. Goals are always good to set. Dreaming is always good to do. However, things don't always go as planned. Goals aren't always met when we want them to be met. And sometimes dreams will change. This is when we need to learn how to be flexible. To never take your life for granted. To take action instead of just thinking about taking action.

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." 

—Win Borden.

We can't get too tied down in these "plans" that we have for our lives, because God usually has something even bigger planned for us & that plan might be completely different than the one we've envisioned for ourselves. With that said, just enjoy your life & hang on to those you love, because we never know when our time is up here on this Earth. This nightmare that I had was a reminder for me to LIVE life to the fullest & to LOVE with great passion—all day & every day.