Chapter 27: "They love me, they love me not" [marriage woes]

We're all familiar with that image of some young kid picking off a flower's petals one by one trying to figure out if their crush 'loves them' or 'loves them not' & make believing as if the last petal you land on will reveal the truth. Even when we get older we still do this to some degree—minus the flower, that is. We do this whether we're dating, in a serious relationship, or already married. A big fight [or build up of many little fights] no matter how silly or serious the issue, can cause us to question how we feel about our significant other or how they feel about us. "They love me, they love me not". We're human & often ruled by our emotions—especially those knee-jerk emotions.

What's more important?
Being 'right' in a fight OR having a strong marriage/relationship?
--> If you did wrong, you can make it worse by not apologizing right away, not asking how to make it right, not truly promising to change [depending on the circumstance], & only defending yourself.
--> If you were wronged, you can make it worse by lashing out & not giving your significant other a chance to speak & apologize.

Easier said than done, right?! Of course. Then again, who said it would be easy?

My husband & I once got the chance to help a couple who were having a hard time.
I won't go into detail about it, but it was definitely a new experience for us. Sure, I've helped out a girl friend with her marital or relationship problems before & he's helped out a guy friend with marital or relationship problems before, but we have never helped out a couple together.

A few days after we had stepped in, I received a message from one of them thanking us for what we did. I decided to give them some final two cents of marriage advice & I've decided to share it here in hopes that it might by chance help someone else who may be struggling in their marriage or relationship. This was my message to them:

"We're just glad we could help. Every married couple has issues. Every newlywed couple & even couples who have been together for years are still constantly learning. You learn how to be the best husband or wife with time. Marriage can be difficult & no one really understands just how difficult it can be until they're married & faced with their own trials. Marriage means still choosing to love each other even when it seems difficult to. Marriage takes a lot of hard work, but as long as both people are truly willing to work on their marriage every day [even when things are good], then they'll reap the benefits for a lifetime—enjoying a long & happy marriage. We hope you two are doing well."

How do you not just survive marriage but thrive in your marriage?!

There's a lot of good advice out there & different things work for different people, but none of the advice will work if both people don't put in the effort needed.

• It's important to be on the same page.
• It's important to keep that passion & love for each other alive in whatever way works best, because every couple is different.
• It's also very important to surround yourselves with people who will help lift you up when things get rough.

You need people that will say, "you two will work it out" not people that will say, "well that sucks, just get a divorce." Having a loving family & good friends [especially ones that are married] who encourage you & your marriage is essential. I'm glad we had the opportunity to be friends to this couple. It's sort of like a 'pay it forward' for the friends & family that have helped us in the past. We're very blessed to have the friends & family that we have, because we know they'll continue to be there for us in the future if we ever need them.

If you see someone struggling, lend them a hand. Someday you may need someone to lend you a hand. Always love ♥

Photo credit: http://tctechcrunch2011.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/daisy.jpg?w=300