Chapters Of My Life As A Navy Wife.: Chapter 46: Our Love Is Deployment Strong... again [+video]

"I saw you at the end of the rocks! I told everyone too. I saw you running down the pier and to the car when we were pulling out, I thought you were so cool! I knew exactly what you were doing! It made me smile so big..." —My Husband

Two months ago, I watched my heart float out to sea... In other words, my husband left on his 2nd deployment—this one lasting 9-10 months long. I've been wanting to write about that dreaded "D-day", but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do so until now. It's hard to put into words just how much it hurts to say, "I'll see you soon", because soon never comes soon enough. As his ship inched further away from my view, I could feel my heart racing & beating faster with each passing breath. It was my heart's pathetic plea, begging the ship to turn around, head back to shore, & reunite me with my husband. Wasn't 2 hours long enough? I had been standing on the beach for 2 hours. Could he please come back & stop playing the role of a U.S. Navy sailor now? No? 9-10 more months, you say? Ok, then... I'll just wait. I'll always wait for him...

My husband surprised me w/this photo he sent to
me in an email. One of the photographers from
the ship captured this candid moment of us.
I was a crying mess...

As the ship was pulling out to sea, families were standing on the pier—tearfully waving goodbye & blowing kisses to their sailor manning the rails in their nicely tailored dress blues uniform. It's quite a sight to see. It's easy to take in the beauty of it all & get lost in it. Suddenly, it's harder to see them. How'd they get so far away?! Then you remember that they're leaving... they're deploying... & you're left standing there wishing you could steal just a few more moments with the one you love. It pained me to turn around & run away from the ship, towards the parking lot. I wanted terribly to stay on that pier with my eyes locked on my husband's, for as long as I possibly could. While most people stayed glued to the pier to watch the ship pull out, I ran along the pier to try & keep up with the ship, while my camera stayed glued to my hand to film it all. I'm sure I looked like I was running mad, but I had no shame. I had a mission. I made a promise to my husband, & I was going to see to it that I keep that promise. I remember saying to myself, "Hurry up, hurry up! Make it to the beach. Head to the rocks. Pay attention to your driving. Don't speed!" It was in those moments that I wished more than ever that the speed limit on base was faster than 25mph! At least the traffic lights were in my favor, but I didn't know where to go... I just knew I had to park as close to the rocks as possible. I was so afraid I would miss the ship's passing.

The last time I headed to those rocks was in 2011 with one of my closest girl friends, Telsey, & she was the one that drove. Her husband was attached to the ship at the time. On the pier we held up a poster that said, "We love you Robert & Wayne. Stay Safe" & then rushed to the beach to see the ship off from the rocks. It was very different standing on those rocks alone this time around. I missed her company. I decided I wanted to keep that tradition. This time, however, I stayed until I could no longer see the ship. I just couldn't get myself to leave. The things that we'd do to feel as connected to the one we love as long as we possibly can... Once I made it to the beach, I discovered that a few other families had the same idea as me. I made sure to distance myself from them so that my husband would be able to easily find me. I was the furthest person on the rocks, closest to the shore. Once I started to climb the rocks, I prayed to God, "Oh, please don't let me slip & fall! I should've worn better shoes!" I didn't have very long to celebrate my mini win over making it on top of the rocks before it was time to get my camera ready to capture the ship passing by. I took photos, recorded some footage, as well as waved & blew kisses to my husband, of course. It was then that I discovered that my boots had holes in the bottom of the soles, because I felt my socks get wet & my feet get cold. Hakuna Matata, right?

I stood on the beach with my eyes affixed to the horizon for 2 hours. During that time, I came across an elderly couple taking a walk along the beach. It was around that time that another ship pulled out to join my husband's ship on deployment, so I assumed they were there to see the ship off. When I asked them they said no, but asked if I was. I then pointed off to the distance & said, "No, I'm seeing that ship off", & explained to them the little ritual of mine to not leave until the ship was no longer in view. The older gentleman said, "Oh, well I think that's just wonderful. That's a beautiful thing that you're doing. The life of a Navy wife is a hard one. I wish you & your husband the best." I thanked him & wished them a good day. I also came across two other wives from my husband's ship. One of them looked like she had been crying the entire time, & we all comforted each other with words of encouragement & hugs. They left about 15 minutes before I did.

Love note in the sand for my husband

I was in a pretty good emotional state. I hadn't cried since I left the ship to stand on the pier. I felt pretty strong... that was until I got home to our nearly empty apartment. I instantly broke down in tears. I had also been awake for over 24 hours, as my husband & I stayed up to put the majority of our belongings in storage to prepare for my move back to CA for the duration of deployment. We didn't want to waste our time together asleep. We wanted to spend every waking moment with each other. We tend to pull all nighters a lot, whenever he's about to go underway for a long period of time, & deployment is definitely a long underway. I was tired, I was emotional, I was missing my husband terribly... I had to pass on an invitation to go out to dinner with a group of Navy wives from the ship because of how emotional I was. That was hard for me to do, because I love spending time with other military wives, especially during deployment. I just couldn't get myself to leave our apartment, & I know my limits. I was a wreck.

Kisses for my handsome & favorite sailor

It's my belief that you have to have that moment of breakdown & shed a lot of tears before you can pick yourself back up & become strong again. If you're not part of the military community, you may say something along the lines of, "Don't worry. You guys will make it through this" as words of encouragement to someone with a deployed spouse. However, what non-military people don't understand is the mind & the heart of a military wife. It's never a matter of whether or not my husband & I can make it through deployment. I'm not worried about our marriage. It's a matter of making in through deployment with your sanity still intact. It's about finding a way to not be miserable the entire time. It's about thriving through deployment, not just surviving it. Having been in a LDR for 5 years before we got married & having gone through a deployment in 2011, my husband & I already have a lot of tips & tricks to help us "love from a distance". I always tell people that while deployment can be difficult, it's also an opportunity to focus on the positives that can come out of deployment—like a stronger relationship. As long as you find ways to stay connected to your spouse & always remain on the same page, you will surely come out stronger in the end. Set clear expectations for each other even before your spouse leaves. I also tell people to use this time to better yourself as an individual, because that in turn can help better your marriage. My husband & I believe that individual growth can help your marriage grow. It's a win-win! We should constantly try to improve ourselves & our lives, & what better time to do so than during deployment?

For all my fellow milsos out there who are going through a deployment...

Stay strong. Stay beautiful. Stay in love.

We Are Deployment Strong [2014] from Darlene Montgomery on Vimeo.

[NOTE: Family & friends, please message me on FB/email/text me for the password]

I really enjoy editing home videos for my husband & I. Everyone probably knows by now how important I think it is to document your memories. I thought the families of my husband's ship might enjoy having a special video keepsake from deployment day too. I surprised them with this video & gave everyone the option to email me a family photo if they weren't already in the video & wanted to be included in it. The video includes footage of the ship & photos of many families.

More photos from D-day:

This puppy went with me during my 35 day trip throughout Europe
& during half of my husband's deployment in 2011 :) He's a world
traveler! He's on deployment with my husband right now.