Chapter 20: How To Be Beautiful [without envy or cruelty]

 I believe that in order to truly be beautiful, you must have a kind soul & pure heart. A beautiful person doesn't pick & choose who they're nice to because they're genuinely nice to everyone. Key word being "genuinely", otherwise it's all just an act. It saddens me to hear how fake, callous, or vindictive people can be behind your back [or to your face]. I'm often told that it's good how I always see the best in others because not many people do anymore—but it's also something I should be careful of. I've learned the hard way [& I'm still learning] that not everyone has the best intentions. Just because you have genuinely kind thoughts & feelings about someone, doesn't mean they reciprocate. Make sure your thoughts match your words. Often times someone will think one thing but say another & "mumble" their true feelings on the side. Even if you don't speak poorly about someone to others, you should still make it a habit to not think poorly about them either. Envious thoughts & cruel thoughts are one in the same. You may not be speaking negatively about others, but if you think negatively about them that alone is enough to change you negatively as a person. 

No one should feel the need to think cruel or condescending thoughts about someone else just to make themselves feel better. Don't take that route in life.

Don't knock someone else down as a tool to build yourself up.

Don't bash on someone else's marriage or relationship just so you can feel better about your own. That's no way to live. That's no way to love. Be happy & let others be happy, without all of the negativity. You may be guilty of this without even realizing it until now. Theadore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Don't let yourself become envious or cruel. Seek kindness, pureness, & beauty in your thoughts, words, & actions. 

Envy is another story & my old neighbor explained it well:

"Sometimes appreciation for doing something positive won't come from the recipient. But just being comfortable with yourself and the choices you make is rewarding, I think. It's one reason I learned to admire, not envy. Because you're still going to be you anyway. Envy suggests you are deficient in some way. Admiration (to me) implies you accept that you are fine exactly as you are but can strive to improve. You can never become anyone else on the planet but a "better" you, and that's based on the choices you make." —Norm Fessler

Never compete with others—only compete with yourself.

Don't work to be "better" than someone else,

just work to be the best you.

Don't work to have a "better" marriage/relationship than another couple, just work to have the best marriage/relationship for yourself & your significant other.

Every person is special & every love story is unique.

There's no need to compete with, envy, or bash on others.

Don't waste time & energy focusing on someone else's life instead of your own.

Once again... a pretty face is nothing if you have an ugly heart. Always strive to be beautiful on the inside as well as the outside—not just appear to be beautiful on the outside but rotten on the inside. I hope I no longer hear stories from my friends about their "friends" trying to sabotage their self-esteem &/or marriage because of envy or unnecessary cruelty.

If you have any thoughts or tips you'd like to add on "How To Be Beautiful" then let me know in a comment! :)

Stay beautiful, everyone!

Chapter 19: 7 Ways I've Changed [PDA, faith, style, & more...]

They say that when you're in a relationship you start to change. It's inevitable. How can you not? Whether you change for better or for worse depends on who you're with & how they affect you. I think this is where the term "soulmates" comes in, because two people have to be the "perfect match" in order to bring out the best in each other the way no one else can. My husband & I have been married for almost 9 months now, but we'll have been together 6 years on July 1st. I've been thinking about all the different ways I've changed since we became a couple in 2007 & I've listed some of the major changes I've noticed in myself:

1. PDA: [public display of affection both through pictures, while out & about, around friends/family etc...] is something I'm very guilty of! I'm an even bigger romantic than I thought I was already! I've always been a hopeless romantic, but I used to think it was weird when people would post pictures of them kissing their significant other or when they couldn't take their hands off of each other... that all changed once my husband & I started dating. Don't get me wrong, we're not the type to have a tacky make-out session in public, but we're definitely very affection with each other & that hasn't change. We can't very well help it. We love kissing, holding hands, & wrapping our arms around each other. We just feel the need to touch each other & be connected with one another at all times. Our very affectionate nature can be explained by us both sharing a common "love language" [via The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman] of Physical Touch. My husband's other love language is Quality Time while my other one is Words of Affirmation. More than half of the pictures in the picture collage below has been my profile picture on Facebook at one point & they can all be found on my Facebook. I know... that's A LOT of k.i.s.s.i.n.g!

2. Terms of Endearment: I used to think it was so strange [& a bit rude] when a guy would call his girl "babe" or "baby". I just always had that image in my mind of a sloppy guy with a big belly slouching in his chair & yelling, "Hey babe! Can ya make me a sandwich & get me a beer?" OR I'd think of the pig from the movie "Babe" =P However, ever since my husband & I have been together I LOVE when he uses these lovey dovey terms & I no longer think it's strange or rude at all! I say all this mushy stuff now too! A friend of mine once told me that her husband [who's on the same ship as my husband] came home one day & said to her, "Robert's all cute whenever he talks to his girl. Always doting on her & calling her sweetheart & stuff like that. Telling her how much he loves her..." :) Love it.

The day we were able to set our wedding date!

3. Spontaneity: I discovered my spontaneous side because of my husband! I was pretty much a "go by the book" type of person. I wasn't a rule breaker & I certainly wasn't a wild child. It was a BIG deal whenever I booked last minute flights with only 2-3 days notice to see my man!

In 2009 he was leaving earlier than planned for bootcamp & his parents were throwing him a goodbye party. I skipped an Astronomy class to fly out to be there for his party. I never missed class unless I was sick!

In 2010 we got news that he could deploy in the near future. He flew to our hometown for his sister's graduation & I didn't want to miss the opportunity to see him so I surprised him at the graduation during my finals week! SO not very responsible because I should've been studying my little fanny off, but we do crazy things when we're in love!

In 2012 I surprised him just weeks before our wedding because it had already been 4 months since we last saw each other & I thought it was important to have that time together. That trip was cool because it only costed me $10.40 cents roundtrip! No joke. If you want to know how I did it, ask & I shall answer!

4. Faith: I have grown a lot in my faith. I was born & raised Catholic, but I didn't start becoming even closer to God until my husband & I started dating. I suppose I felt so blessed to have found my soulmate so early in life & I thanked God for him every day. This gratitude to God started to emerge into more. I would always pray to God for guidance & to help us stay strong & make it through all the obstacles of a long distance relationship. I turned to him a lot, especially when my husband joined the military because it tested our relationship even more. We exchanged promise rings in 2009 when we attended the Navy Day Ball, but shortly after my husband proposed to me in 2011 I bought myself my very own promise ring [seen in the second picture]. I followed a personal program through The Silver Ring Thing, which is centered around the idea that "True Love Waits". I gave the ring to my husband on our wedding day right before we exchanged vows & wedding rings. My husband & I don't share the exact same view about religion, but he has always been respectful, patient, & understanding of my beliefs—& for that I feel truly blessed to have him as my husband. He even bought me my very 1st personal woman's devotional Bible & I saw him pack our "couple" Bible [released by the author of The 5 Love Languages] in his bag when he left for an underway, which meant a lot to me. ——If you'd like to learn more about The Silver Ring Thing CLICK HERE.

Our promise rings we exchanged in 2009
I engraved his band to say, "Until We Say I Do..."

Photo credit [picture on left]: Onelove Photography
The Silver Ring Thing

5. Style: My style has changed immensely! I never really had a particular style in the past because I would like just about everything. I recall back in High School I really only had 2 dresses in my closet & now I have more dresses [especially lace dresses] than anything else! I have to force myself to stop buying dresses & start buying more tops. I still like my jeans & a t-shirt/tank top & baseball cap days, but those don't happen as often as they used to anymore. I'm more girly now when it comes to clothes & I believe this is because of our long distance relationship. Since we wouldn't see each other very much, I always wanted to look "extra pretty" & special for him. Usually when you "dress up" you wear a dress! I was never much of a shopper either, but I would buy a new dress almost every time we would see each other because I wanted to look my very best for my love.

6. Creativity: I've always loved doing arts & crafts & thinking of ways to be creative, but that all kicked into high gear when I started dating my husband. I would find creative ways to be romantic, like writing him little notes & hiding it in his wallet or car whenever we were visiting each other [reminder: we were in a long distance relationship for 5yrs before getting married]. I would find crafty ways to show him that I love him. I also started making military inspired jewelry when he was deployed to help pass the time, save up money for our wedding, & because it's nice making pretty things! He always encourages & supports that creative side in me. I love to create/make things & my husband helps push me to DO it instead of just THINK about it. I also put a lot of thought & detail into decorating his care packages when he was deployed in 2011.

7. Patriotism: I've always been proud to be an American & I've always supported those in uniform, but I'm even MORE patriotic now. Then again, how can I not be? My husband's a U.S. Sailor & I'm his PROUD NAVY WIFE!

Photo credit: Mika D. Photography
Hair & Make up: Amanda Travers—Ferociously Flawless Make Up Artistry

What are some ways that your significant other has changed you? :)
Hopefully they are changes for the better! If so, then take the time to kiss your significant other, tell them you love them, & thank them for making you a better person & helping you grow ♥

Chapter 18: 17 Rules For Happiness [+quotes]

I too am guilty of falling victim to those Monday Blues & Terrible Tuesdays etc... every now & then just like any other person. It's easy to get overwhelmed with life's daily stressors, whether big or small. Plato once said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." When troubles seem endless & happiness too far from reach, it's important to focus on reprogramming your mind. With that said, here is an article that I found very inspiring, uplifting, & encouraging :) It's worth the read! Enlighten your mind & TAKE ACTION. Take hold of your life. Take control of your happiness. After all... YOU are the key ♥

17 Rules For Happiness

By Karl Moore

[Credit: Click Here]

Every day, most of us focus on the grey clouds in the sky. Life is dim and gloomy, and showers are just minutes away. But we forget something. We don’t remember that just behind those clouds, the sun is beaming brightly – every single minute of every single day. These are 17 rules designed to shift your perspective, helping you to rediscover the happiness you may have forgotten.

Rule #1 – Stop Feeling Sorry for Yourself! It’s not going to help the situation. It’ll only help you to wallow in a state of apathy, playing the victim. The kind of person that things happen to, but that can’t do anything about it. By stopping feeling sorry for yourself, you can actually get on and DO something about it. If you want to be happy – stop feeling sorry for yourself. “Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” -Helen Keller

Rule #2 – Be Grateful. Think of all the wonderful things you have to be grateful for right now. It could be your family. Or your health. Maybe your home. Your friends. Your brain. Your heart. Your spirit. We’ve all got amazing things in our own lives that make us smile with joy. And if we can count these blessings every day, we’ll discover a greater appreciation of the beautiful world we surround ourselves with. “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” -Meister Eckhardt

Rule #3 – Say Yes More. We fight against what happens to us in life, rather than allowing it to be as it is. We resist it, rather than accepting it. We say “No!” rather than saying “Yes” – or even just “Okay.” By saying “Yes!” more to life, we go with the flow. Things become more enjoyable and positive, less stressful and anxious, and often the situation turns out for the better regardless. “I will say yes to every favor, request, suggestion and invitation. I will swear to say yes where once I would say no.” –Danny Wallace

Rule #4 – Follow Your Bliss. Bliss is what you’re doing when you’re wrapped up in the moment. When you’re so thrilled just to be doing it, it ceases even to be work anymore. Your bliss occurs when you’re living in the moment, and time doesn’t really matter anymore. It’s not for the money, it’s for the pleasure. “When you follow your bliss, doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else.” –Joseph Campbell

Rule #5 – Learn to Let Go. Remember, letting go doesn’t mean you “forgive” the person at the grocery store, or you “allow” that kind of behavior. It just means that you release the negative emotion inside of you. By releasing negative emotions, you’ll not only enjoy much more freedom in your life – you’ll also become more emotionally stable and less stressed too. “By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning.” –Lao Tzu

Rule #6 – Do Random Acts of Kindness. The more we give, the more we receive. A Random Acts of Kindness or RAK is a small act of kindness that you grant to someone else in the world – for absolutely no reason whatsoever, without expecting anything in return. Just throw a little extra kindness out to the world – and watch how you find greater happiness starting to flood back into your own life. “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” -Dalai Lama

Rule #7 – Happiness Is Only Ever Now. We spend so much time waiting to be happy in the future, or worrying about the past, that we forget to live in the moment. But here’s the thing: Life is transient. The past has gone. The future is just a dream. The only time that truly exists ever is RIGHT NOW. RIGHT NOW is the ONLY time you can do or change ANYTHING in your life. And NOW is the only time you have. “Few of us ever live in the present, we are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.” -Louis LArmor

Rule #8 – Experience, Don’t Hoard! Investing in experiences rather than material goods created greater lasting happiness. It doesn’thave to be big and it doesn’t have to be expensive. And you can always do it on your own, too. By living, and truly experiencing life, we feel more whole, fulfilled and authentic. So, experience – don’t hoard – and you will be happy. “When youre curious, you find lots of interesting things to do.” –Walt Disney

Rule #9 – Appreciate Both Sides of the Coin. The truth is that in order for you to experience true happiness in your life, you must experience sadness. Without sadness, we really can’t even understand what happiness is. Just enjoy and embrace all your life adventures. And when seemingly negative things happen, remember that it’s just the duality of life. It’s just the other side of the coin. It’s required. It’s part of the equation. “You don’t know when you’ve hit a peak until you’re coming down. And you don’t know when you’ve hit a trough until you’re climbing out. It’s all good.” –David Brent

Rule #10 – Be More Social. Countless studies on the science of happiness have turned up one single characteristic of the happiest and most successful people in society. They have a large social network! Don’t just wait for interesting people to stumble into your life. Keep going and going. Expand your social circle as far as you can. Be the person that walks through town and bumps into a dozen friends. “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” -Marcel Proust

Rule #11 – Love More! We must realize that we feel the most happy in life – when we are the one giving the love! The more we love others, the happier he became. The more we love the world around us, the happier we become. The more we love even our enemies, the happier we become. And best of all, WE can control the amount of love we give – and thereby control the amount of happiness we experience. “Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” –Barbara De Angelis

Rule #12 – Have a Dream. Dream are critical. They light up life. Without them, we become bored, and tired, and apathetic. So, take this opportunity to really clarify your dreams. Take a pen and paper and spend an hour figuring out what you really dream about. But whatever you do, make sure you have a dream. They’re incredibly important. Dreams are the spark plugs of the spirit. Make sure yours are ready for action. “A person starts dying when they stop dreaming.” –Brian Williams

Rule #13 – Intention Sets Direction. Decide on where you’re going and how it’ll be for you – and it’ll happen. set your intention first. Make it clear that you’re going to have a great time, you’ll meet some fantastic people, and that it’s going to be wonderful. Set your general intention every morning and every night, too. The brighter and more positive, the better. Set your sunny intention – and you will be happy. “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” –Henry Ford

Rule #14 – Enjoy Simple Pleasures. It’s an attitude. The ability to appreciate the happiness, the beauty, the pleasure in the simple things around us. Remember the simple things that you truly enjoy. Then take time out to experience them again. Or even better, turn them into little daily or weekly rituals, filling your life with sunshine. Quite simply, enjoy simple pleasures and rituals – and you will be happy. “Simplicity is the essence of happiness.” -Cedric Bledsoe

Rule #15 – Accept What Is. By accepting, welcoming, embracing what is, you clear all of your emotions. Your thoughts gain more clarity. You become happier. You experience more freedom. If you can change things, after accepting them, you’ll have a sharper mind and more energy to do so. Pointless worrying – there’s nothing you can do about it. Shrug and smile about it, that’s life. “Happiness is a function of accepting what is.” –Werner Erhard

Rule #16 – Zoom Out and Don’t Sweat. You never, ever know what is around the corner. So, try regularly “zooming out” of your current picture, and realizing the true priorities in your life. If you can, do it every day – particularly when you return home from work. Then kick back your shoes, and enjoy some quality time with family and friends. Life is short. “If you do not raise your eyes you will think that you are the highest point.” -Antonio Porchia

Rule #17 – Laugh, Dance, Smile! Surround yourself with happiness – wonderful music, dance classes, evenings with friends. Take time to laugh at the craziness of life! Splash out and enjoy to the max. True happiness, self-development, freedom, comes from inside – and is expressed externally in bright faces, a big smile, and plenty of laughing. Laugh at all of the silly problems you’ve been holding on to, so very well, for so long. “A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life’s worthwhile.” -Unknown

[Photo credits: http://s3.favim.com/orig/40/cute-happy-piruleta-road-smile-Favim.com-330009.jpg

http://data.whicdn.com/images/30412286/makes-happy-dont-road-lines-yellow-life-live-forever-nice-run-drive-just-do-it-Favim.com-445551_large.jpg
http://yourenotfromaroundhere.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Happiness-is-a-way-of-travel-not-a-destination.jpg]